The Five Love Languages - Receiving Gifts

In many ways, communicating with someone whose primary love language is gifts is one of the easiest skills to learn. In some ways, however, it's hard. But it's only hard if you choose to let it be.

Let me explain.

First, if you or your mate answered "yes" to the question "Do you feel most loved when someone brings you gifts or some tangible item, no matter how small or inexpensive?," you or your mate speak in the primary love language of receiving gifts. A person whose love language is receiving gifts generally does not need the gifts to be large or expensive; she or he just needs to receive gifts on a regular basis as a show of your love.

On the flip side, if you know someone who is unhappy with every gift you have ever given, no matter what you give, large, small, expensive, or cheap, this person's love language is probably NOT gifts and you need to find what his or her love language is. For you see, someone whose love language is gifts will be just as thrilled with a single rose you picked up at the grocery store as with a bouquet of two dozen roses from the finest shop in town, unless the single rose comes across as cheap or uncaring (this will be covered more in depth).

In the larger scheme of life, gifts carry with it a lot more weight than just the gift itself. The appropriateness of a gift is based on many factors: our relationship to the person receiving the gift, the occasion for the gift, how long we have known the person, our income, the other person's needs, and sometimes what we have given to others in a similar circumstance.

Gifts imply some intimate knowledge of the person. Sure, we've all been to gift exchanges where you bring something appropriate for a man of a certain age or a woman of a certain age, but how many of those carry long-lasting sentimental feelings? Um, probably none. But if you want to give a gift to someone you know and love, some thought needs to go into giving the gift. What is her favorite color? What brand of fishing lures does he like best? What does the person want? What does the person need? What can we afford and still keep our budget on track?

Gifts are also a way to say "I was thinking of you today." "I saw this and it reminded me of how precious you are to me." "The minute I saw this, I knew you would love it." Everybody likes to know they were thought of by someone they love. Spontaneous gifts on a rainy Tuesday do wonders for your mate's love quotient.

Often if you keep your ears open as you spend time with your mate, you will hear what he or she wants. When you hear these comments, make a mental note or write it down.

Caution: Men and women differ in how they view the gift of tools. Most women, not all, will not be thrilled with a new vacuum cleaner for your anniversary, no matter how many times she has mentioned needing a sweeper; most men, however, will be thrilled with a new power sander or table saw or some other tool they can put to use in whatever endeavor they may pursue. Unless the vacuum cleaner has a diamoned necklace attached to it, do not give a vacuum cleaner or any other appliance for a major gift-giving event.

Not long ago my husband saw an amazing new chopper on a TV commercial. He mentioned a number of times that the chopper would come in handy. Since he does a good bit of the cooking, I was on the lookout for this particular chopper. When I found it, I made a point to tell him that the chopper was at the local grocery store and I would be glad to buy it if he still wanted it. The next time we went to the store, we went directly to the chopper and bought one. He enjoyed using it so much that he tested it out by chopping nearly everything he could get his hands on. Needless to say, he felt loved by me because I remembered that he wanted that particular chopper.

The caution I mentioned earlier about appearing cheap will mainly be a problem if you give only a few gifts a year or you buy a Cracker Jack(TM) ring instead of a gold or silver band for your anniversary, birthday, or major holiday. Also, if your income is extremely high but you can't seem to part with $100.00 for the perfect gift for your spouse, your effort will not be seen as an act of love. Not all gifts need to be extravagant, but an extravagant gift every now and then, if you can afford it, will put a smile on her face in no time, especially as she talks about it with her friends, family, and co-workers.

A person whose love language is receiving gifts will not feel loved if gifts are received only on major holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries. Gifts need to be given on a regular basis, but need not always be bought.

Here are some ideas for communicating with a mate whose primary love language is gifts:

• Serve her breakfast in bed
• Make his favorite meal
• Pick up her favorite candy on the way home from work (mine is Dove dark chocolate)
• Buy a book he's been interested in reading
• Create a holiday that just the two of you share
• Buy a box of Valentine cards and mail one a day to your spouse for a week
• Send an ecard to your husband's personal email address
• Dedicate a song to your mate on the radio station she or he listens to
• Prepare a book of coupons for your mate and let him or her cash them in any time

If you are new to communicating in this way, start out by giving a gift three times a week. Certainly you can think of three things in a week to give to the man or woman that you love and want to feel loved. Use the list above to come up with ways to communicate with your spouse through gifts.

Be creative in how you give the gift. Here are some ideas for giving gifts:

• Drop off a wrapped package at her office
• Leave a new package of golf balls in his car
• If your spouse is going away for a week to his sister's in Iowa, send a package to him at her address. Include a recent photo of yourself and a note telling him how much you miss him
• Send one of the kids to get her from the garden and surprise her with lunch
• Leave clues for a treasure hunt
  Be your own "delivery boy." Ring the doorbell and give her a big kiss for all the neigbors to see
• Enlist the help of your kids. They are the most creative people I know
• Pack a little something in her suitcase when she goes on her next business trip. She'll be thrilled to find it after a long day of travel and meetings

Gift giving can be a lot of fun. It can be just as much fun for the person giving the gift as for the one receiving it. As you grow in listening to what he or she wants, watching the types of things he buys for himself, and being creative in how you give the gift, you will find that you can hardly wait to give the next gift and feel and see the excitement of your husband or wife.

Yours for celebrating wedding anniversaries.

Claudia



Copyright © Claudia Pate
The Anniversary Shop, modern and traditional wedding anniversary gifts