The Five Love Languages - What Is This All About?

As noted a few days ago, I want to focus on Gary Chapman's Book, The Five Love Languages. If you are not familiar with this book, you are in for a treat.

The premise of the book is that each one of us, no matter our background or current station in life, has a love language that must be spoken in order for us to feel loved. No matter how much we give or get from someone in our life, if it is not done in the language of the person receiving it, that person will not feel loved no matter how much time and energy is spent in giving.

For example, perhaps your primary love language is words of affirmation. You feel most loved when someone, matter who it is, tells you that you have done a good job or your hair looks nice or you made a good choice of college or school or spouse. You could care less about getting gifts when you've done a good job; a good compliment is all that's required. Your motto is that of Mark Twain, "I can live for two months on a good compliment."

Words of affirmation is just one of the five love languages. The others are quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, physical touch.

Perhaps you already know your love language or can pick it out from the list above, but do you also know your spouse's love language or can pick it out from the list above?

If not, these questions will help. Ask them of yourself, then ask them of your spouse. The love language to watch for is in parentheses following the question.

• Do you feel most loved when someone expresses appreciation for you or for what you have done, no matter how simple the act? (words of affirmation)


• Do you feel most loved when you are given attention and feel that someone wants to spend time with you? (quality time)


• Do you feel most loved when someone brings you gifts or some tangible item, no matter how small or inexpensive? (gifts)


• Do you feel most loved when someone does things for you, taking out the garbage, washing clothes, running errands, etc.? (acts of service)


• Do you feel most loved when you are receiving physical touch? (surprise! pysical touch)
  Note: Be careful here not to confuse physical touch with sex. Think of nonsexual touch, holding hands, sitting close when watching a movie, getting a neck and shoulder rub. Sexual fulfillment is not the same as physical touch as a primary love language.

We will look at each of these love languages more intently over the next few posts and suggestions will be made of how to get your needs met and fulfill another's needs in their own language.

You will be pleasantly surprised at what a difference this will make in your marriage and in other loving relationships with family and friends.

Yours for celebrating wedding anniversaries.

Claudia

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