The Five Love Languages - Physical Touch

A person whose primary love language is physical touch will answer "yes" to the question "Do you feel most loved when you are receiving physical touch?"

Physical touch runs the gamut from the slightest touch as you pass each other to the most passionate kiss of your life to, well, you know.

But be aware, the love language of physical touch is not just sexual intercourse. While sex is a wonderful, natural part of any loving marriage, probe deeper to ask, "If I were deprived of any of the other love languages but had a satisfying sex life, would I still feel loved?" For example, if your spouse never or rarely gave you compliments (words of affirmation) or spent time with you (quality time) or let you know he or she thought of you by bringing home gifts (receiving gifts) or did things for you (acts of service) but you received all the physical affection you ever wanted, would you still feel loved?

For some people, the answer is still "yes." Physical touch of any kind, whether it leads to intercourse or not, is what makes this person feel loved.

If that is the case, then lavishing a "physical touch" person with gifts or words of affirmation or a clean car will do little to make this person feel loved. He or she needs physical touch, from holding hands as you walk to the car to a foot rub as you watch TV to hugging and kissing before you fall asleep at night and when you awaken each morning.

While this seems an easy love language to learn, physical touch has roots that can go deep into a person's past. If you husband's family rarely touched one another, it is possible he will have trouble showing affection to you by touch. If your wife was abused in any way as she was growing up, it might be difficult for her to want to reciprocate the physical touch that you need. While neither of these scenarios is impossible to overcome, it could take a lot of patience and communication to reach a point where both of you are comfortable with the physical aspect of your marriage outside (or even inside) the bedroom.

If this is the case and you are unable to resolve the issue on your own, seek counseling. This is quite common and a good marriage counselor should be able to help you communicate in a way that will help you work toward a satisfying physical relationship.

If the situation is one you can talk about openly, communicate your needs and your concerns to your spouse. If your husband is skittish about public display of affection, don't expect him to kiss you passionately when you are out for a walk in the neighborhood, even if it is after dark. If your wife did not grow up in a family that hugged one another every time they saw each other, don't expect her to jump into your arms every night when you get home - at least not right away.

On the other hand, your husband might get used to the idea of holding hands when you walk around the neighborhood or your wife might enjoy cuddling on the couch while you watch the evening news or your favorite TV show. Move the kids to the floor or the other end of the couch so you and your mate can sit side by side as you watch a movie or play games.

Keep in mind that just because you enjoy certain touch doesn't mean your spouse will as well. If your wife does not enjoy being tickled, it is a sign of disrespect to her to continue to tickle her when you know she doesn't like it. If your husband doesn't like you to pinch his "love handles," it is a sign of disrespect to him to continue to do so. Physical touch, like all love languages, must be spoken in a way that brings honor to your mate and to your relationship.

Here are some ideas of ways you might show love through physical touch (again, keep in mind that you must not continue with a certain touch if your mate objects because he or she is not comfortable or does not enjoy it).

• Hold hands as you walk
• Sit close together in the car
• Rub his neck as he works on the computer
• Sit on the same side of the booth even if no one else is joining you for dinner
• Put some music on and dance slowly around the living room
• Kiss him goodbye in the morning and hello when he comes home
• Rub her feet
• Hold hands when you pray
• Sit on opposite ends of the couch with your legs outstretched and touching as you read
• Help her with her coat and kiss her neck as she slides her arms into the sleeves
• Touch the back of his hand as you share a cup of coffee and conversation

Like anything else in life, the more you do it, the more it becomes a habit. Look for new ways to touch your mate in ways that bring him or her pleasure and feelings of being loved.

Make touch an active part of your marriage. Even the slightest touch will speak volumes to a spouse whose primary love language is physical touch, and the lightest touch at an unexpected moment could ignite a flame that leads to a passionate fire.



Copyright © Claudia Pate
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